I still remember the constant agony I felt after my seven year relationship with my high school sweetheart finally fell apart. I was an emotional wreck stuck running between paralyzing anger, and eye-swelling depression. I felt lost. I felt like life suddenly didn't make sense. Many tissue boxes later while lying in my bed, buried beneath a comforter, in the middle of the day, I realized that this was ridiculous. My world was revolving around my previous relationship, which is why I felt like the world had gone into an uncontrollable spin.
From that day, I changed. I shifted the center of my universe so that it rotated around the things that are really important, rather than my failed relationship. Of, course I am not saying that I abandoned the important benefits that a relationship brings into life. I instead altered my focus. I was only focusing on the relationship and I used it to gain personal value, and satisfaction from life. I had forgotten about all the things that were important to ME: things like family, friendships, a career, and my contributions to society. I forgot that I love to stand in the rain, and that I love to read. I forgot about all the things that give me pleasure, besides a relationship.
This event initially seemed like the end of my world, but it turned out to be a new beginning. By changing my perspective and focusing on myself and my core values I was able to create something better than what I had before. I became stronger and had more to give in future relationships. From the ashes of this relationship my motto was created: A relationship is two people coming together to be stronger than they are apart.
A relationship is the formation of a lasting team and friendship. If your relationship doesn't work out moving on can be incredibly challenging, but it can also be rewarding. If you're stuck underneath the covers there is a way out. There is a way to close up the hole that you feel right through the middle of your body. Not only can you recover from the separation, but you can become stronger after it.
You have started by reading this, so at least your head is not buried underneath the covers. You're here because you're looking for a solution. You're ready to move on, and start living life again. Moving on can be easier than you think, and rewarding. I have outlined the steps you need to take to get your life back, and get it back on track!
Step 1: Change your focus - Right now you are focusing on the past. You need to shift your eyes away from what is behind you and into the future. In the words of the great Anthony Robbins, "Where focus goes energy flows".
Step 2: Re-Evaluate What's Important - Now that your focus is on you and your future you need to remember who you are. You need to re-define what is important to you. If you whimper at this point and cry out your ex's name, stop yourself. You are stronger than that. You want change. You don't want to keep wasting your life focusing on the past, move forward. A good way to figure out what your core values are is to imagine that you have passed away and you are at your own funeral. What would you want the people there to think of you?
Step 3: Remodel and Reshape - You need to remodel your life now that you know what is important. Based on what is important to you what are your new goals? What kinds of things do you want to accomplish in your life? There is a giant exciting world outside that is ripe full of opportunities and adventure. You get to chose where your life goes from here, what do you want it to look like?
Step 4: Reflection - Long after the break-up is over, and you can think about your ex without bursting into tears, or glowing red with rage you need to reflect on the relationship. You need to reflect in a way that is not angry or sad but logical. You need go back in your mind and see if you can find anything that YOU could have done better to create a strong relationship team. This does not mean that your break-up was your fault, but this relationship provides valuable information that can benefit your future relationships. In all aspects of life 'mistakes' are wonderful gifts. They help us grown and learn. If you don't reflect on what was going on with the aspect you have control over, yourself, you won't learn and grow from your experiences.
So, are you coming out yet? Are you ready to create a better life than you had before? Just because your building blocks have been knocked over, doesn't mean that you can't pick them up again and build something bigger. I have designed a unique support program just for people in this situation. You can utilize these steps, and get through it with unique tools and support from others like you. Learn more about the program by going here: Move on After a Painful Breakup.