It has always struck me as odd and in many ways comic, how one thing when looked at a certain way can mean absolutely nothing yet when seen in a completely differently light; can take on a much higher significance to allow us to see the way somebody really is. This to the point that what we see is a small part of not only the person’s actions but of their mind and just how great or perhaps even pointless their whole being is. It being precisely the later of these two which I experienced about my sister when I woke up early one morning and went in to her bedroom.
It was so long ago that I had not even concluded my first decade in years experienced when I woke up early and went in to my older sister’s bedroom (who shall remain nameless) to get something which I do not even recall yet this is hardly the point of my story. What I do remember or did mark in my mind was that the time of morning was one which was particularly early and as I went in to open a drawer in the room; I suddenly heard my older sister screaming for me to get out of her room. This naturally accompanied by all the obscenities that go along with the kind of person I had always known her to be not only until that moment but even till the last time I had the displeasure of seeing her some 20 odd years ago. Of course in all this, I have no reason what so ever to believe she might have changed in any way shape or form since then with regards to anything but getting older and slower apart from having acquired other features which come as one’s age advances. It however being a certainty in my mind that the wisdom or acquired grace which befalls upon some as they gain in years lived; are surely not among those traits which have come to her in these last years.
In all truth my older sister’s reaction had all the surprise and shock to me of seeing the sun come up in the morning or go down when the day was done. It being her screams and hysteria accompanied by foul language which I had heard so many times as to make them standard in her behavior and what I pretty much and almost without exception; always expected to hear from her. I Of course, knowing the way my sister was and caring so little about her, did not mind it or even pay it any attention; apart from just ignoring her little out burst and quickly getting what I was after. After which I got out of the room as to not disturb beyond what was necessary.
Many people however in all this might ask, how is it that if my sister meant so little to me and her reaction was such an expected thing to the point of being as predictable as the sun coming up in the morning along with things of that nature (pun not intended); that I remember that particular incident or went to the trouble of registering it in my mind? After all, so many years have passed yet it still sticks out in my mind and to them I hope to provide an equally good response to their question if not a better one.
This incident in and of itself would have gone out of my mind totally if not for what came the evening following this morning of loud and honestly saying meaningless screams. My older sister later that evening came to me almost with tears in her eyes which even made me want to break out laughing as to how ridiculous the whole thing was. She actually wanted to apologize and till this day I am not sure what she was sorry about not that I cared then or much less now; as she said that when she shouted at me with all the obscenities her small mind had been able to conjure; she had done so believing it was our sister at the time.
This not being clear to me at that moment if she was saying she was sorry for having shouted at me or because when she did so, she mistook me for our sister (the one I would call my younger sister though she too is my elder) and thought it was her she was shouting at. Of course, my sister had shouted at me in the same way many times before and knowing full well it was me when she did so and had never apologized for it (not that I expected her to or even wanted her to or cared if she did) yet for some oddly sentimentally idiotic reason in the morality of the daft; she felt the need to say she was sorry on that particular occasion. I for my part, did not say anything to all of this which even at an age so low did I consider to be complete nonsense and most likely would have forgotten the whole issue yet it seemed so pointless as to cause me to remember it.
Of course, there was another point apart from her having done nothing she had not done before or was expected to do or even her having mistaken me for my younger sister and this being. If she had known it was me instead of my younger sister; would she have reacted any different? My question being really aimed in the direction of the logic which inquires as to why was my younger sister going in to her bedroom so early in the morning not an acceptable act while my doing the very same thing was to the contrary?
As I have already stated in this article, I did not say anything to my sister and never mentioned this pointless incident to her again yet it did confirm on to me not only what I had known about her for so long but how little the whole relationship meant to me. There perhaps being the tragedy from my part that not only did her action not upset me, it meant nothing to me and would have gone completely forgotten if not for an almost completely absurd apology. Naturally, as one can expect, during the course of the years which followed other screams with such words came yet unlike that one; were not followed by apologies since it was on those occasions that she was sure it was me whom she was shouting out.
Conclusions? Perhaps none but I just thought it was an interesting story to share even if just to show how sometimes the best thing we can do with family is get as far away with them as possible. For at the end of the day slogans like “blood is thicker than wine” (or what ever it is supposed to be thicker than) have only as much value as we give them. I, for my part believing that real emotions and feelings should be spent on those who meet our charm and not those whom some tell us we have to accept simply because the system known as blood ties have placed them in our path. This much like the stale piece of meat at the bottom of a stew which we might have picked because pot luck did not go our way.